Wednesday, September 27, 2006

I'm Not Dead

Stace sent me a myspace SOS so I felt the need to reach out. I'm not dead. I just find myself lacking motivation. I know, I know, I suck. But working 40 plus hours and coming home only to lather rinse repeat leaves one pretty lacking. I'll come up with something one day I hope. Sorry if you guys miss me. I'll still be around, stalking your blogs. Oh!! And everyone go and support X while she goes thru her master cleanse. I'm super proud of her and that system, while it works, is friggin' HARD! So go leave her pretty notes.

That is all.

And someone get Stace's panties off the ceiling.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Just a Lil Message of Love for my People Who've Been Institutionalized

Shouts out to Queen for this well written and eloquent piece she wrote for the student newspaper at the only HBCU that matters.

Countdown to HU Homecoming...

29 days...

Tuesday, September 12, 2006


Here's the thing...

There's alot going on in my life right now. ALOT. Way more than I wish there was. And I can't take further complication. And I would think that the people that knew me best, understood me, knew my circumstance would be understanding of the horrible job I'm doing of balancing everything in my life and would be careful to not make it even harder on me.

Only, notsomuch.

That's not what I get. I get added stress.

I don't need complications. Especially not ones outside myself. Especially not ones that I have control over, that I don't have to add to. I need no drama. I'm too old, spiritually, to still be doing the same things I did as a child.

So I won't.

So let me tell you all this, if you can't bring me positivity, solutions, understanding, insane amounts of patience, simplicity, I don't need you. I have no use for you.

Call me callous, call me cold, cruel and distant. That's fine.

But bring no more bullshit to my door.

Friday, September 8, 2006

Dear Beyawnce...

I have some things I need to say to Beyonce about the content of her new album. This convo between me and Keyz aka Hollywood aka Tha Kid, the author or "You Heard That New...".

KeYz0382: Did u check my shiiitt?
Lalafrmatl: oh u mean u FINALLY updated nig?
Lalafrmatl: lol
KeYz0382: Lol
Lalafrmatl: I'm reading now. and biggie was SO not better than Pac, in your mind or anywhere else
KeYz0382: That's why it says....IN MY MIND
Lalafrmatl: and that's fine. I'm just commenting
Lalafrmatl: and you know what I'm not hating on beyonce b/c of her songs. most of the songs I've heard so far i like... but she's trying to pass off songs like "Freekum Dress" and singing to her pussy in "Kitty Kat" as "female empowerment", a record that "women need to hear".
Telling a girl to put on a short ass, tight ass dress and stick her ass out cuz her man ain't giving her no dick is NOT female empowerment. Don't try to make it deep. Say it's a party record w/only 1 ballad on it. Don't bullshit the fans into thinking this is a return to "Independent Woman" Beyonce b/c she got so much flack for "Cater 2 U" and songs like that
Lalafrmatl: the songs on B'Day are hot as hell. Her production is the shit and "Resentment" is the best song she's ever written
KeYz0382: I love resentment
Lalafrmatl: I'm glad she didn't do Dangerously in Love pt 2. But do NOT try to pass it off as female empowerment
KeYz0382 : Did she say that??
Lalafrmatl: YES SHE DID SAY THAT. Those are direct quotes
KeYz0382:People are never satisfied
Lalafrmatl : "B'Day is a album about female empowerment. It's a record women NEED to hear. So I'm really proud of it"
KeYz0382: Shit it was lol
Lalafrmatl: her daddy needs always be in charge of her PR
KeYz0382: Damn people are reallllly tough on her. Like she's their artist
Lalafrmatl: personally, I'm gonna buy her album on the day it comes out. but I don't think the comments she has made about it are responsible or even smart. People are hard on her. She is the ONLY real black female artist out there doing her thing so until the standards in the industry change she's gonna take the brunt of it. It's not fair but she has a real responsibility
KeYz0382: You gotta let artist be ARTIST
Lalafrmatl: but is she an artist? or is she an entertainer? because there is a diference. I LOVE Beyonce. I have just about everything she's ever touched. But I'd never call her an artist. To say she's an artist would be to say that her songs will still be classics 30 yrs from now that people of all ages know and can sing by heart. And if "Freakum Dress" becomes a song my kids sing that changes their life I'm gonna to cry. You can say that about Stevie Wonder's body of work as a whole. I don't think u can say that about Beyonce. So i wouldn't consider her an artist in as much as I would a really great entertainer
KeYz0382: She's an artist. Period. Cassie is an entertainer
KeYz0382: Cheri Dennis is an entertainer, Danity Kane, Young Joc; entertainer
Lalafrmatl: and so is Beyonce. She might be better at it than all of them, but artistry is implying a certain quality, a consistency in your work. a certain calibur of your entire body of work and a responsibility for what it will say to the world and represent. She doesn't have that
KeYz0382: Can Cassie or any other bitch get up there an blow like her?
Lalafrmatl: It's not just about her voice. There's o CONSISTENCY. "Resentment" stands alongside "Kitty Kat". See, everyone thinks that just b/c you're labeled an entertainer you can't sing. I never said that and I don't believe that. Beyonce can blow and her verbratto is so beautiful. I don't think we'll hear anything like it for many years. If you can't sing you just SUCK. That doesnt mean u fall into entertainer catagory by default lol
KeYz0382: Its a song..........its not what she represents as a person......shit females feel like why not express it. It don't mean people have to sing it 30 years from now, and it don't mean she's not consistant.It just means she's thinking about how a female would really think about it. Like I don't think its her best work but I damn sure think its good work......
Lalafrmatl: b/c artistry is a complete representation of not only yourself but of the people you represent. She hasn't put that much of herself into her music. Yes she's polite and a good person. But who is she? What does she think? Why is she incapable of not giving the same rote answers in an interview? She's a star. But she's not an artist who is making music that will be affect her fans and actually SAY something. "Get Me Bodied" is not a statement. It doesnt say anything. B'Day is GREAT work. Vocally she sounds better than she ever has, her production is perfect. But is it art? Is it art just b/c she sounds good, has written her own songs, and her music is good? NO. That should be the standard. not the exception. We shouldn't applaud people when they do it. That should be the VERY LEAST we expect from people
KeYz0382: Well if that's the case.........NO ONE out right now is an artist
Lalafrmatl: You're exactly right. Our generation has AWESOME entertainers. Beyonce is AMAZING in concert. I've seen her twice and even have them all on dvd. But I wouldn't call too much of anyone out right now an artist
KeYz0382: I mean seriously, I don't think that if Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles were blind they woulda made the same music
Lalafrmatl: You might be right about that. But we can't judge their careers based on conjecture. We have to take their body of work as is. I think Beyonce is fully capable of making an album that is artistically socially relevant and capable of stretching over generations. Will she ever do it? HELL NO. So I have to judge not what she COULD do, but what she HAS done
KeYz0382: U think pharrell is an artist?
Lalafrmatl: Actually I do
KeYz0382: tell me this would u want ur son singing "shake ur money maker"..........drop it like its hot........give it to me...... or some of his lyrics? What makes him different?
Lalafrmatl: nope I wouldn't. But i am taking his artistry in relation to his genre. Hip hop made socially conscious songs but it also made party songs. It's a part of of the foundation. So not everyone is responsible for making life altering Hip Hop. But you'll never catch him saying "Light Your Ass on Fire" is an empowerment record for women. If u take Beyonce is relation to her genre, R&B, you mean to tell me you think "Kitty Kat" will stand up against "Through the Fire"? "Fairy Tales"? "Is it a Crime"? That it will be as beloved, as widely known and incorporated into the historic moments in people's lives as "Ribbon in the Sky"?
KeYz0382: The times are completly..........DIFFERENT. Are they not?
Lalafrmatl: yes the times are different but we've taken this bullshit that we've been given and b/c its packaged nicely and marketed well we accept it. Nevermind that half our "artists" don't sing live, can't write music, don't play an instrument, don't even have anything musically going for themselves other than being marketable. We don't hold our artists accountable anymore. Does everyone have to be all of those things? No. But shouldn't you at least be somewhat musical, something other than pretty if you're gonna be in the MUSIC business
KeYz0382: We tolerate this garbage. But I accept Beyonce as an artist during this time. Of all time? She's not there yet. But she's doing the best by far in our time
Lalafrmatl: ok i can see that. But should our standards of what an artist is be a sliding scale according to what year they come out?
KeYz0382: Will she equate to aretha......patti.....janet? I mean yes and no. Hell B'Day is a damn good album
Lalafrmatl: But don't bullshit me and tell me it's female empowerment. Tell me you made a party CD that you're really proud of, that you sound really good on. Be HONEST. I'm so sick of people getting in interviews and giving these bullshit, rehearsed answers that don't make sense. Now resentment? That's female empowerment. Singing to your pussy? Notsomuch lol. So say you've got this great track on your album called resentment that you think every woman needs to hear. Don't tell me that "Freakum Dress" is the song thats gonna empower me to be a better woman
KeYz0382: Well u have ur points and opinions and ur actually very accurate with them. It's the best argument by far
KeYz0382: But I just think an "artist" of this time has a lot more to bring to the table
Lalafrmatl: No one can compare with Beyonce right now. I'd rather listen to her than Cassie ANY DAY
KeYz0382: Which why she is the best "artist" out right now. Cause there aren't any artist out right now
Lalafrmatl: And I agree. I just think we've changed our standards of what artistry is to fit the talent out rather than changed the talent to fit the standard
KeYz0382: I think with the times we were forced 2. Yo can't sing about civil rights or boycotting or historical shit like that
Lalafrmatl: I don't think so. I think we accepted alot of crap from people who got into the business b/c it was lucrative and not b/c they LOVED it. And it bastardized it. No we can't sing about that stuff. But you mean to tell me there are no social issues someone could sing about? Or hell, even personal issues someone could sing about?
KeYz0382: Personally the only one who can really get away with stuff like that still is Alicia Keys
KeYz0382: Nah ur right
Lalafrmatl: I love beyonce. But I feel like I dont get to see her on an album. Her issues, her thoughts, her insecurities, just her as a human. People give Christina Aguilerra alot of shit but I feel like she's honest
KeYz0382: She is
Lalafrmatl: I feel like i have a good idea of who she is, what she's been thru, what she stands for
KeYz0382: But at the same time exposing everything is a dangerous move
Lalafrmatl: I personally, am just tired of being lied to. Think abut it, Christina is honest, but do you really know anything personal about her marriage ? No. Alicia is honest but do you know anything about her relationship? No. There's doing a reality show and opening yourself up to criticism, and then there's just being plain honest. Considering how much responsibility Beyonce has as an artist b/c there is no one else representing young black women well right now to the degree that she does, I would think she would be more honest and not say that "Get me Bodied" or "Ring the Alarm" is womens' empowerment


It's a funny thing about poison, you only need very little of it to kill you. Once you ingest it, once it's in you, in your blood stream, it's very hard to rid yourself of it's affects. Sometimes you have to let it run it's course.

The only thing is, you don't know if it'll make you sick or if it'll kill you.

I feel like I'm being poisoned here. All the hard work I've done on myself the last four years seems like it's being erased in favor of the tools of survival I adopted a long time ago. And...

yep. I just lost it.

So much for posting.

Thursday, September 7, 2006

More Stuff Because I Can't Come up With an Original Post

HAHAHA my friends are silly, a lil racist... and oddly insightful. Reminds me of why I'm happy to be off-white. LOL

pizo2205: Dangling is what I'm doing
lalafrmatl: lol what's wrong?
pizo2205: At the UPS line or whatever, they waiting for the truck with my package to come in. Fuck the fact that they was supposed to be here at 8, and that I live a short field goal away from the fucking store. Niggas. We're not even in a store, we're standing in line outside a fucking warehouse like welfare babies waiting on free cheese and peanut butter
lalafrmatl: u cant get right LMAO!
pizo2205: Not jiffy, but the hard ass peanut butter that breaks plastic knives
lalafrmatl: oooh the kind with the lumps in it?
pizo2205: And not velveeta, but the hard ass cheese you gotta hold down like you cutting thru a fire log. This is bullshit
lalafrmatl: if it makes you feel better, u are entertaining the hell outta me right now
pizo2205: Niggas can't do shit right. Nothing
lalafrmatl: when is the truck supposed to get there?
pizo2205: He said 8
pizo2205: He said 8:15
pizo2205: Now he checking again
pizo2205: Tell a nigga sneeze, he cough. Tell a nigga jump, he fall. Tell a nigga get money, he quit his job to work on the block slanging rocks for less money, longer hours, no insurance, and more math
lalafrmatl: but if he's lucky, he's got a chick that loves him enough to cook his shit for him (this comes from a earlier conversation about the lack of romance in rap music. It is directly related to a Rick Ross song where he says he cooks his chick lobster tails and she cook his crack. You know, old fashioned romance)
pizo2205: If he's lucky. And chances are the lazy hoe can't cook shit else
lalafrmatl: ay if you can cook crack what else do you need to be able to cook? Niggas is greedy
pizo2205: You get a package, you deliver package. If I go home, you give it back to ups store closest to my house you fucking idiot. How hard is that? It's a very simple ass concept but niggas will find a way
pizo2205: Only niggas build a country under forced labor, get free, get rights and then say fuck it. Fucking lazy ass no work doing complaining all the damn time living at home with my grandma while pushing a Range Rover on 26's to Magic City every night talking bout I'm balling but I don't pay rent and hoes on your broke ass dick cause of your rims ass fucking people. Fucking waste I tell you. Waste. Let these crackers take our music, our culture and put out whatever the fuck they like. Fucking Chingy, fucking 36 Mafia winnin' Oscars. Did annnnnnybody see Malcom X!?! Aaaaanybody see Glory?!?
lalafrmatl: I LOVE glory... I sense that this is not the point
pizo2205: Hard out here for a pimp was the funniest song ever, I thought the movie was a comedy, crackers on the other hand wait for ignorant shit to come out so they can pigeonhole us as the ignant ass niggas in the movie. That nigga couldn't rap, pimp, or sell drugs that good, now he's successful, and that's the Oscar winning shit we get. Ya think Idlewild gonna win anything ya fucking crazy. Ain't enough pimpin' and hoeing or all around cooning for that shit. They actually resemble black people. I need a blog, I'd write this shit. And smack anybody that wants to disagree. I've never seen a people that know we're at a disadvantage and still do less work then other mufuckas. The Mexicans will suck shit out your ass with a straw for $3 per hour. Niggas will quit a temp job the first day cause they don't get smoke breaks and blame the boss

Ahh gotta love it.

Wednesday, September 6, 2006

Blah, Blah, Blah

I find myself at a loss for original posts lately. I was gonna write some stuff about my trip home to Atl this weekend but about a paragraph in I lost my inspiration. I got nothing. So until then, enjoy more mindless surveys.

1. 4th grade teacher's name: I had 2; Ms. Sarullo who became Mrs. Naples and Mrs. Wood

2. Last words you said to your dad: ok bye

3. Last song you sang: "Ride for You" by Danity Kane

4. Last person you hugged: Joy maybe

5. Last thing you laughed at: an old episode of Friends

6. Last time you said I love you and meant it: yesterday

7. Last time you cried: when I went to see World Trade Center

8. What color socks are you wearing: none. I'm living in flip flops

9. What's under your bed: the box to my Sidekick3, a plastic container with some random stuff in it

10. What time did you wake up today: 9. I can't seem to sleep til 2 like usual anymore

11. Current Taste: do you mean like food? I just had a sourdough sandwhich from Jack in the Box

12. Current hair: down, growing out straight bob-ish looking

13. Current annoyance: the fact that Grey's Anatomy doesn't start TODAY

14. Current bad habit: chewing the inside of my mouth, pullng out strands of hair

15. Current longing: a job, a boyfriend

16. Current desktop background: Trenton in the bathtub

17. Met/Talked to any hot girls/guys lately: Um not really. I've been hanging around my family alot lately. I don't really find any of them hot

18. If you could play any instrument: the piano

19. Favorite color(s): red, chocolate

20. How tall are you: 5'3" ish

21. Current favorite word/saying: anything that involves 'the fuck' on it to amplify it i.e. "He slapped THE FUCK outta that bitch."

22. Favorite book: too many to name

23. favorite season: fall

24. favorite article of clothing: my Miami shirt

25. favorite age: probably around 14 or so

26. What is your career going to be like: busy but fulfilling

27. How many kids do you want: 2 or 4. depends on the day


28. Said "I love you": yep. more often recently than before

29. Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish: nah. my animals are generally mild mannered

30. Been to New York: yep. lived there

31. Been to the Bahamas: not YET!

32. Been to California: no not yet

33. Been to Hawaii: it's also on the list

34. Been to Bermuda: nope, don't desire to get lost there

35. Been to China: nope but I'm dying to go to Bejing

36: Been to Ireland?: nope

37. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: yeah. but I won't tell you what but this is a PG-13 blog

38. Fallen in love with a friend? I'm still deciding

39. Gotten into a fight? yeah. Had to make my point

40. Stolen anything? a couple hearts maybe ;-)

41. Gotten married? almost, but not quite

42. Do you have a crush on someone: if by crush you mean I have feelings for someone that I am not in a relationship with, then yes

43. What book are you reading now?: none

44. What is the first thing you think when you wake up in the morning? *sigh*

45. How many rings before you answer: usually like 2

46. Future daughter's names: I'm not sure, I figure their father might wanna have some input. But I like the idea of typical boys names for girls like Evan, Ryan, etc. And I like Lola too

47. Future son's names: I was always partial to King but I know a couple babies with that name. John got me to liking Sean. I'd like to have a junior maybe

48. What do you sleep with: My Winnie the Pooh John bought me

49. What do you do before you go to sleep? Wrap up my hair and write in my journal

50. What do you wear to sleep in: usually just a big tshirt. I have the largest collection Howard gear and exboyfriend wear that anyone will ever need

51. Where are you: on the floor in the loft

52. Where do you wish you were: in DC on the couch watching the NFL kick off special

53. Piercings: I took all of mine out but I wanna get them back


54. What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use?: NExxus and Pantene Pro-V

55. Who is the last person that called you: Pizo

56. Where do you want to have your honeymoon? somewhere tropical. Maybe the Greek isle

57. If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be? oh goodness there's so many things. I HATE my teeth. I'd spend a year walking Stewart Ave in lucite heels if it meant I could get braces

58. Hate: drama, women, the fact that Grey's Anatomy isn't starting today

59. Been In Love: yes

60. Are you timely or always late: usually timely. I try not to be late b/c it reminds me of someone I don't wanna be like

61. Do you have a job: no

62. Do you like being around people: not as of late

63. Best feeling in the world: playing with kids or animals or kids and animals, that first month you realize you're in love with someone b/f the newness wears off

64. Miss someone right now?: yeah

65. Are you a health freak: not at all

66. Do you have a "Type" of person you always go after: yeah. but he's never that good for me, unless he's perfect for me

67. Are you lonely right now: yeah

68. Do you want kids: yep


69. Cried: no

70. Bought something: food

71. Gotten Sick: nope

72. Sang: yes. I try to sing for an hour a day so my voice doesn't atrophy

73. Said I Love You: yes

74. Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them: yes

75. Moved On: working on it

76. Talked to someone: yep

77. Had a serious talk: lol yeah

78. Missed Someone: didn't I just answer this?

79. Hugged Someone: please see above answer

80. Yelled at Someone: no but I wanted to. I'm repressing myself at this very moment

81. Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: yes

82. Fallen Down: yes. the stairs in my house are lethal

83. Seen a Movie: I haven't been to the theater b/c I have no friends but I watched In Her Shoes on HBO

84. Talked on the Phone: HA! no sadly not.

85. Had Sex: HA! no sadly not.