Monday, January 28, 2008

A Post About the Gym and Food...

...a la Jam.









Yesterday after working my 7th day straight in a row, I drove across town to the new gym that I just joined. I put off going for weeks, mostly because I have been disturbingly busy, and then outta town, and then way too busy to breathe, but also because I HATE gyms.



Read that careful.





I HATE GYMS.





Not working out. But I hate the uber-trendy-million-dollar-a-month-I-spend-more-money-on-workout-clothes-and-smoothies-than-I-do-food-networking-on-the-elliptical-see-and-be-seen-I'm-only-here-cuz-it's-in-fashion-cuz-I-know-I-stay-this-skinny-by-binging-and-purging hipster gym. Hate that shit.



And my gym is in fact part of a huge national chain with all the pretty white people in the commercials working out and smiling but not sweating, not a hair out of place. But I figured, my membership was free. I had no more excuse to put it off anymore.



So I made it part of my weekend errands that I had to get accomplished. I called and made an appointment to be shown around on Sunday. After receiving a confirmation email from Mr. Stereotypical Mexican, I'm only slightly unsure about actually showing.



I go of course.



And I'm greeted at the door by Cow Tipping Texas Boy.

"Hay there, ma'am," he drawls at me and I bust out laughing. "I'm Stereotypical Mexican." He greets me with a firm handshake. Seeing as how his last name is SO stereotypical Mexican, I am both shocked and appalled by the blond hair blue eyed abomination of a perfectly good Hispanic name standing in front of me. After a little conversation though, I am more pleasantly surprised that he is really nice. And not just nice. Texas nice. Which is like on a whole 'another level.



He shows me around and leaves me to my own devices. I look around and I'm happy to see that the clientele is pretty mixed; there's a couple kids barely out of high school in the free weights area, a black couple working their legs, the elderly couple making kissy faces at each other on the treadmills, the brunette on the elliptical. It's comfy. Everyone seems to know or recognize each other. Smiles all around. No superbly coordinated workout ensembles. Sweat.



I'm IN.



(But tell me why 3 of the TVs were on the Food Network? TORTURE.)





Creeping up on the first hour of my workout, I strike up a convo with the brunette who has now taken up residence on the elliptical machine next to me. She's all syrupy sweet southern drawl, maybe a couple years older than me. I'm listening, sure, but I can't stop looking at her legs. They're RIDICULOUS. Seriously, while she's talking I'm trying to figure out how to convince her to let me oil her up and throw her in someones music video and make us both some money. Her body is positively sick. This girl must live here, I'm convinced. I wanna hate her immediately. But she's too damn nice. So we decide mutually to hate the skinny bitch a couple machines over who needs more macaroni and cheese than she does another second on an elliptical. As we're talking, the brunette mentions "the husband and kids."

"Kids? Husband?" I say all confused. "What did you get married at like 13?"
"Oh honey," she says to me, all southern fried giggles, "I'm 49."



**record screeches to a halt**







Are you fucking kidding me?









"The eight of us-"
"I'm sorry, did you say eight?"
"Oh yes. I have 6 children."



**DEAD**



I literally fall off my machine and on to the floor.



Not only is this woman older than my mother and looking younger than me, but she has given birth SIX GODDAMN TIMES and she is still video hoe worthy?!?!?



Get the fuck outta here.
I. Can't.



As I'm leaving I notice some drama popping off at the door with the extra skinny girl who has apparently called the cops for some reason. Booooo. Skinny bitches always mad.







I stop at the grocery store and then head home and start cooking. There is actually food in my fridge as this is my second trip to the grocery store. On Friday, I'd had a lil talk with myself. It went something like this...



Self, why won't you cook? You hate fast food, you're wasting money, you barely eat as it is because of it... and bitch YOU CAN COOK. It would be different if you couldn't. What is your problem? Take your lazy ass to the grocery store.



And so I did.



While chopping the fresh onion, peppers, and lime to be sauteed with the chicken for the fajitas I was making, I remembered just how therapeutic cooking is. Ended up with chicken fajitas on warm, fresh tortillas, fresh black beans, and Mexican rice (brown rice with diced tomatoes). Yum-o!!!

I meant to take a picture of it for you, but I ate it far too quickly.



After I finished, I cleaned up the house a lil, gave the dog a bath, ran some errands, updated my planner for the week, made a budget for the upcoming month and got my clothes together for work. I even got in bed at a decent hour. That is simply unheard of for the kid.

I have another couple gym appointments scheduled this week, so let's pray for more of the same.




On tonight's menu... stuffed chicken breasts, asparagus and fresh corn. Yummy!

Wipe your mouf :-)

19 comments:

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

look at la sounding like Jam!

i'm dying about michelle duggar, jr with the body from heaven. i don't want her to be 49, nice, and have a banging body.

her hubby better be good to her. i wonder if he's black...

the joy said...

I don't even know what an eliptical machine is.
Seriously. I haven't been in a gym since my ex had to use the bathroom that one time on the way from school... I was 17.

But I need you to make me dinner. I'm eating ramen.

Chris said...

As a connoisseur of older women, I can tell you your story happens with stunning regularity these days. Women, more now than ever before, like to get that fine wine deal going, and it leaves 26 year old admirers like your boy here trying to get phone numbers from someone old enough to be my aunt, but I digress.

The gym as a whole? Still the devil. Ask me how I went from 364 to 284 in 16 months without a Ballys or Golds Gym membership, lol

B. Good said...

I'on do the gym. Eeks!

But 3 cheers for grocery shopping! I mean, I hate doing it, but its definitely worth it once its all over. Yum!

shani-o said...

I can't wait for you to make me fajitas!! And yeah, I hate the gym for all the reasons you stated... but I'm seriously about to join the one at work. Seriously.

I like working out, but...

DiamondsR4eva said...

Dinner sounds yummy, and I'm completely floored by a woman with a Video vixen body and over the hill to boot, jesus be some good genes!

spchrist said...

wow...the gym scene was funny. I need to read your blog more often.

jameil1922 said...

mmmm fooooood. and mexican foood! was that faux mexican cute? b/c remember i so need one in my life. find out if he can cook. lolol. 7th day straight? are you on drugs? i can hook you up with the jail bird i went out with! we'll trade. I AM NOT A CLOWN CAR!! I'M NOT HAVING 6 KIDS!! skinny women are mad b/c they're hungry... except stace. she's teeny and ever eating.

Ms. Behaving said...

Just say NO to the gym!! [LOL]

Now hurry up n' pass me a plate. **A sistah is HUNGRY as hell comin' up in here reading about all this food**.

Rashan Jamal said...

Is this Jameil's??? nope curse words, Its the right one

I'm too lazy to cook most of the time. When I do, I'll cook like 3 meals all at once. Crazy, I know.

Epsilonicus said...

Asparagus is nasty just to let you know.

If she looks that good I am trying to...

I hate the gym. It is boring to me. I learned that my fitness has to be me doing an activity like dancing or boxing. Otherwise I get bored really easy.

X Factor said...

Oh Lauren, you're soooooo Houston fabulous wth your fajitas and black beans and whatnot. **sigh** I heart you.

La said...

Stace he IS black!!! I just found that out yesterday on the treadmill, lol

Aww Joy. I'll cook for you. Might not be so good once it gets to you though... lol

Chris hahaha @ "connoisseur of older women". They are up in my gym making my young ass look bad!! lol

b. good I HATE grocery shopping with a passion... which is ironic because I love to eat, lol. Now I find that what I have to do is go to my fav grocery store midweek when they just put out all the fresh produce and its almost completely empty. Then it's not so bad.

Oh honey. I'll be far too drunk to cook when you're here, lol. But...?

Diamonds I wish I could just charge it to good genes but that woman be workin' hard in the gym. She is my American Idol, lol

SP hey stranger!

Jam the faux mexican was notsomuch with the cute. hahaha @ "clown car" jesus.

LOL! Ms Behavin' thanks for the encouragement. Now I'm hungry all over again

Rashan thats not crazy. That's smart. On Sundays when I'm not working that's what I do so by the time I get off work and fight rush hour traffic across town I dont have to actually cook as much as reheat.

Epsi asparagus is soooo yummy. You know, I thought I would be bored at the gym too but it wasnt so bad. I was there for about 2 hours last night and didn't even realize it til I got to my car.

X hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

memphiz said...

Hey Im the chick that needs that mac and cheese! LOL Im happy you got your workout on with some interest.

Caesar Cannon said...

damn, can I eat dinner with you? your kitchen be poppin, from what I'm reading. I'm a strictly cheesesteaks, pizza oodles and noodles kinda guy on a regular day.

I wish I went to the gym. I meen, my physique is great(perfect), but I could definitely stand to put on a tad more bulk... and I'm DONE after reading about the 49 year-old that looks younger than you. that's wild

magnoliapeach said...

I never understand the skinny chick needing the sandwich I.V. hogging the eliptical machine.
I've given up on the gym until next week, when all those with new years resolutions give up.

I try to cook, but everything ends up tasting the same. Mexican sounds good though, I may have to hit up my trailor for $1 tacos!

durtymo said...

LOL! This was too funny. Shooootttt old lady should've given you inspiration/motivation if nothing else. You better take it wherever/whenever you find it cuz that shyt is HARD to come by. My mouth is STILL open @ six kids...

NOPE! I certainly CAN.NOT. lol!

aww cook me some dinna! I'm far too lazy. Thanks!

Mr. Jones said...

Good for you for getting it going at the gym. I still won't take any of your excess though. :-)

Ms.Lady said...

Gurl!!
I found an elliptical for a GOOD price in Wally World *Wal-Mart*
I am SOOO ON IT!!

I love those things!

Look at you making friends with the sexy ass older woman.
Lets us mothers know THERE IS HOPE!!
lol

Good luck with workin' it out La!