Friday, March 14, 2008

In an Effort to Not Contribute to the Slackassness...

(Rashan is a fool for that)


1. Why did I pay an accountant $50 to do my taxes when I coulda did them myself online and still gotten the same (not what I expected) result?


2. Why did yall ever let me get a credit card?


3. Is it shallow that I can't stop starring at my hips and ass in every shiny surface I pass because...


4. I'm wearing my skinny jeans!!!!!! :-)


5. I can't believe I lived without a Blackberry this long. Can't. Believe.


6. Me > without coffee = cranky. Too bad I have given it up. *le sigh*


7. My hair and I are having an argument. My hair is winning. I fear my only recourse is to Britney Spears it.


8. Why has the appropriate amount of time lapsed and I still have on braces? Sonofbitches!!!


9. Memphis, Baltimore, New Orleans, Chicago, Miami... I'll take cities I will have travelled to by May for 200. That resolution to travel more in 2008 is really going well :-)


10. I wanna new tattoo. As I have been saying for 6 months. I am waiting for inspiration to strike. Elsewise I'm just going to start piercing random shit.


11. Hi. I'm La. I screen.




WHO DOESN'T KNOW THIS BY NOW?!?!?!?!?


12. Does anyone else watch Eli Stone? If not, I command you start watching it immediately once new episodes start up. It's soooo good.

13. Why did First Love call me to give me a piece of his mind for me not calling on his birthday? *blank stare* Did we not break up AT LEAST 17 years ago? *looking around for clarification* My response?

"I'm really sorry. I didn't know you'd feel some type of way about it." *blank. stare.*


14. Was it really necessary for everyone to turn and laugh at me in the gym yesterday when I fell? Surely it wasn't.

15. Speaking of gyms, the stickfigurewithnosoulwhohasabsolutelynoneedforworkingout is gym stalking me. Surely I'm gonna be forced to snap her famished neck in the locker room if she keeps taunting me with her goddamn thighs that don't touch.

16. I am afraid that my antisocial-ocity has caused me to lose all my friends here in Texas. I'm kinda completely alone. Meh. *shrug*

17. Why did I give up drinking? To lose weight? That was a HORRIBLE idea!!! Can't I just go on a liquid diet?



And by liquid I mean Bacardi based. But only in moderation.






And by moderation I mean BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!


18. I know, I know. You just had a kid. You're excited about this next chapter in your life. You feel like your life has meaning. You think your kid is the cutest kid born in any year other than 84 (cuz I was the cutest kid born in 84). Miracle of life. Greatest gift of all. Yadda yadda yadda. But jesus could you AT LEAST but your tits away and stop feeding the goddamn thing in public?!?!?!


19. I am desperately in need of some pizza. And why does the TV I am watching at work continuously run Papa John's ads? Sonsofbitches.


20. I miss everyone's birthday. First Joy's, now my wife. *le sigh* Texas blows.


21. For what I am spending to fill up my car these days, I could easily have bought these shoes... and a clutch to match. And some skinny jeans to wear with them. And those dangly hoops I want. And the DSquared blazer I need to live. WTF George Bush?!?!?!?


22. All the time I spent worrying that I was gonna turn into my mother, I look up and now I've turned into my daddy. Who knew?


23. I am DYING to see if j.lo's twins look like her. And if they do, if they look like jenny in her Bronx days or after she got money. Or if they look like Skeletor... I mean Marc. *shudder*


24. Why American Idol? Just. Why?


25. Am I going through quarter life crisis early? I am NOT prepared.

21 comments:

durtymo said...

Ok ok ok lemme stop laffin! You are insane and I love it. *sigh*

I'm mad you didn't Turbo Tax yoself. It's for dummies k, soooo easy to use. Trust me.

LOl @ I screen.. umm who doesnt? Who actually picks up the phone on a whim? Not I!

It's too many to name but you are I are *here* ...

for... true..

LOL@ the bitch who thighs don't touch. She gets the gas face and sandwich.

Bitch.

jameil1922 said...

i'm pretty sure quarter life crises start before 25 despite the name. w is that bull. i got a kid break this week b/c the main perpetrator in talksaboutherkidstoomuchitis was on vacay this week. can i get an amen? put some tequila in that diet and we have a deal. non-touching thighs are weird and scary and i don't ever want to have them. good thing my genes preclude them. skinny jeans? LOVE!!

you falling at the gym? HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
but i still love you tho! i'm thisclose to britney spearsing my hair, too.

KeitaRae said...

La. Please stop. I'm fairly convinced that I'm gonna end up with a medical condition reading your blog. [Laugh Strain?]

I couldn't resist highlighting your writing once again....

La Bella Vita is at it again.

You do it like nobody can, girl! LOL

Hawa from
FackinTruth Blog

shani-o said...

Oh my darling! Turbo Tax!! $30. And it's ok, one day, we'll be together again and make up for all the missed occasions...

Aaaaand skinny jeans?

!!!!!

Stacie von Kutieboots said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stacie von Kutieboots said...

turbo tax + direct deposit = CPA's nightmare
i love that program.

i "need" another tat too. hee hee, get it? tat too = tattoo.

i am too pleased with my pun.

i PRAY the twins look like jenny and not cryptk- i mean marc a.

even my thighs touch. and i like it. non touching thighs is a sickness. she's doing too much somewhere.

i'm sorry at you falling. *stifles snickering* are you okay?? *giggle slipped out*

Mr. Jones said...

You're too funny. Next time you're in Baltimore, you know what it is, shawty.

I just typed shawty. Yikes!

Monie said...

La! I'm done! And I love it! You're going on my blogroll pronto!

B. Good said...

I'm way too hungry to give a thoughtful comment, but this was a great post (as usual).

Rashan Jamal said...

LMAO @ skelator... I thought I was the only one that said that about him.

I love ya like a play sister, but if I seent ya fall, I would be cracking up too.

What is with this Britney Spearsing it obsession? Will you women please stop cutting your hair? Okay, rant over.

Great post again!

Vdizzle said...

I'm for the liquid diet.

Chris said...

Why is ol Tracey Gold, Jr. stalking you? She might be jealous of your frame, who knows?

I wish I could screen calls, but my home phone doesn't have caller ID. Yes, I'm still in living in 1995, no, I don't have a rotary, dammit.

Canon Adonis said...

1) because... it's the American way, and you're an All-American Girl!
2) Because... That's how America puts the shiesty twist on All-American girls like you
3) I'd probably do the same... but not in that creepy, pervy, Mcloserman kind of way... IDK where I'm going with that one...
4) Yay!
5) I can't believe I'm living this long without mines... it's broke...

WTF? I'm so bored that I'm actually responding to each of these shits in order? I'm done here

*gone with the drinks*

Jarrod said...

I dare you to shave your head and get a hair line tattooed on your scalp...you're knocking out two birds with one stone...

the joy said...

3, yes.

5, 7, I know right?

10, we're working on it.

You know I don't believe in thighs that don't know each other...

And what the hell is wrong with us that we keep running into shit and falling? I'm telling you its that puberty, the sequel.

La said...

Mo I swear to God everytime I see that girl I just wanna start cooking lots of starchy stuff to shove down her throat. AND she has the nerve to be REALLY pretty. AND really nice. I HATE that bitch.

Jam you coulda warned me about the quarter life. And HOW you gone laugh at me fallin' and u ain't even ask if I was ok? BOO.

Keita please don't hurt yourself. I have no money to contribute to your medical crisis, lol

Oh sigh wife. I shoulda known better than to listen to my mother, yes? And only Phase 1 skinny jeans, lol

Stace *blank stare at the pun*...
Yes I NEVER want my thighs to not touch. It's so weird. It looks like you're walking around holding an invisible basketball between your legs. I'm good.

Mr. Jones hahaha @ shawty. May. I'm not sure of the date yet. I owe you a drink... and I won't forget :)

Monie *blushing* Yeah. I can be kinda ridiculous around these parts.

hahahaha @ b. good. Don't being hungry take over your whole life? And when your feet hurt too.

RJ i guess I have to appreciate your honesty **hitting you in the back of the head** I'm not gonna cut my hair. It's getting too long too fast. But I am gonna have to pull it aside and give it a strong talking to, lol

V I somehow knew you would supprt me. When are you coming back to Houston again? OT is over!

Chris you KNOW that's what I was about to ask... cuz I was gonna clown you if you did, lol

Canon LMFAO @ "gone with the drinks". My muthafuckin man. (that's how you cuss, lol)

Jarrod... ignorance. Just pure ignorance, lol

Joy omg do you remember the day I fell in the hallway in middle school trying to kick my bag into my locker? HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Christina said...

You are so clumsy lol and i always thought of Marc Anthony as skelator....or a zombie lol

Epsilonicus said...

Leave J.Lo's babies alone lol!!!

This was hilarious. For St. Patty's Day weekend I went on a diet that consisted of green beer and vodka-cranberry drinks.

Ms.Lady said...

Lol...you are too much...

Wait...

Skeletor??

How bout Master Splinter??

Maybe JUST as fitting..lol.

Now...

-For what I am spending to fill up my car these days, I could easily have bought these shoes... and a clutch to match. And some skinny jeans to wear with them. And those dangly hoops I want. And the DSquared blazer I need to live. WTF George Bush?!?!?!?

Did you peep the Bronze 1's below the pair you wanted??
FIYAH!!!

Eb the Celeb said...

I feel you on living without my bberry... I honestly dont even know how I functioned...

Crackberry...I completely understand how the phrase came about!

35% Off..... said...

What does them blackberry phones do that my nokia can't? (tempted to buy one)