Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Things I Would Have a Clone Do

Finally getting around to my list, so benevolently bestowed upon me by Ducktastic over there at Life Full Out.




Things I Would Have a Clone Do
(in no particular order)



Go to work for me.
Not because I hate work. My job is actually pretty tolerable and I love the people I work with. But I feel like sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day keeps me from doing the elective things I wanna do. Like that 10am pilates class at my gym. Or sleeping til 10am. Learning how to make homemade pasta from scratch. Taking Honey to the park everyday. Folding the laundry that has grown vines into my bed because I never seem to make it to putting them away after making them clean.

Have important conversations.
You know how you say to your boyfriend, "We need to talk" and you can see him physically wince? Yeah that's me? I am notsomuch with the talking. I kinda hate it. I recognize it as a neccessary evil, but it an evil nonetheless. Sure, I'll do it. But I'll need a shot first. And through much of the conversation I will have the screw face and continue to flinch as though you're about to hit me. But it's not just about me. It's better for you too, Important Person I Have to have Important Convo with. Because I get all ridiculous and inarticulate when these convos arise and we both just end up all confused. So if I could get a clone to do it, hopefully they could do it right and I, you know, could go get a martini or something and then check back in for the make up sex.

Do all my shopping.
Unless it's for shoes, handbags or makeup, I hate shopping. All kind of shopping. Clothes. Furniture. Grocery. I'm out. Clone is in. I'm on the couch watching 48 Hours (OBSESSED).

Go to family functions.
I will admit that I have all but checked out of all kinds of family participation. This is partially because I have issues, and partially because they have issues. We are all equal parts to blame. As it stands right now, I have very little desire to check back in. But I know it would make my family happy. So the clone could be sent to all weddings, graduations, holiday bbqs, family dinners, and other events as necessary.

Talk on the phone.
Surely I have mentioned my intense hate for talking on the phone. I'm not sure why it bothers me, but I'd rather be doing a million other things. I would SO much rather email or text or IM. Hence my love for my BB. And those things that I can't do via the written word, that require actual personal interaction (i.e. fighting with Sallie Mae), usually require some period of me being on hold. I hate that even moreso than actually having to call.

Jury duty, doctor's visits, DMV lines, etc.
All a waste of my time. Do you know how many drinks I could have consumed in the time it took me to get my Texas DL? And how many I had to consume quite quickly after I got it to make up for the fact that I had to get a Texas DL? **shudder**

16 comments:

Muze said...

i love this post!

first, i think we may be the same person. scary. lol.

cause i would DEFINITELY have the clone hauling her arse to work for me. whew.

...and the important conversations thing? OMG. bf and i were having our 'break up' convo (long story) and i literally felt like i was having teeth pulled while he was spilling his guts to me. i usually have nothing essential to add besides "i understand.." ...drives him crazy. lol.

i hate grocery shopping. i'd also have the clone cook and wash clothes too. lol.

...my clone would hate me. lol.

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

My clone wouldn't like me b/c I would have her doing everything for me expect having sex. Don't need a clone for that!

mia. said...

Move to Los Angeles and I'll grocery shop for you. I love to grocery shop!!!

jameil1922 said...

mine would go to work to make room for the imp. things, too. very important. i LOVE talking on the phone. clone would be responsible for all clothes (b/c they'd pick the same things as me w/o me having to try on for hours which i've found i no longer have much patience for (probably b/c it's my own money i'm spending)/essentials shopping. esp. crap like laundry detergent, tissues and paper towels. and i love fam functions so that's all me! graduations? CLONE!!

DollFace said...

Hell my clone would deal with these Bamas who harass me every damn morning:(

Vdizzle said...

Girl!! I'm right with you on the important conversations. HEADACHE!!

Opinionated Diva said...

Luv this post...definitely jacking!

What's wrong with Jury Duty? You show up late...take two hour lunches...leave early. It's a perfect work day!

So with you on having the clone go to family functions and go to work for me...so with you!

Opinionated Diva said...

Ohhhhhh @ like Muze...my clone would definitely do all the cooking...all the housework too actually!

Chris said...

I refuse to switch my car and things over to MD yet, it's just too much of a headache, plus I don't know how much longer I'll be here. I think the only thing I'd honestly need a clone for is probably work so I can check on my friends and family more than I can right now.

La said...

@Muze OMG! "I understand" is my SHIT! lol My clone would hate me too.
Wait... you and the bf broke up? I'm gonna need more information...

@Southern Gal giiirl I got no love for the clone on the sex tip, lol

@Mia living to LA is on my list of things to do before I die so I will hold you to that, lol

@Jam you know what I think that's exactly what it is! I hate trying on clothes and going thru that whole foolishness! With shoes or purses you just slip them on and like them and go.

@Dollface aww honey you don't need a clone for that. You need a brick

@V what is it about those convos that, although necessary, drive you to drink (more)?

@Diva I think my issue is moreso the waiting. ANd the fact that I will get paid less than minimum wage to do so, lol

@Chris I NEVER woulda changed my stuff to Texas but I had to contest a ticket.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

dang folk, think u can me me a few clones of me, id take over the world then

X Factor said...

OMG I would soooo send the clone off to the pharmacy every day- with pleasure. she could also have the important conversations, cook, clean, do laundry, maintain the car upkeep, drive, and yes... Even have sex. I can't be bothered.

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

we are ---->here<---- when it comes to phones. write a letter, send a text, something else.

i'd have a clone clean my room. again, its the clean clothes that don't make it on hangers... or in drawers.

Rashan Jamal said...

Work - clone

Important conversations - neither

shopping - clone

family functions - me (gotta see my nephews and neice)

phone - me and clone. sometimes there are too many people calling me at the same time for just me to handle

jury duty - me, I wanns sit in judgement of someone. LOL

doctors, dmv - mos def the clone

Eb the Celeb said...

Oh how I feel you on all of these...

well except family functions... because I love spending time with my family since we are all scattered in different cities when we do get together its a lot of fun


but I despise grocery shopping and cooking so my clone would definitely take care of all that... and pay back all my student loans with their own money...

Muze said...

uh, loonnnnnng story. trust.

i will have to hit you up on the IM missy. my yahoo mail is constantly telling me you're 'online and available to chat'. lol.