Things I Would Have a Clone Do
(in no particular order)
Go to work for me.
Not because I hate work. My job is actually pretty tolerable and I love the people I work with. But I feel like sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day keeps me from doing the elective things I wanna do. Like that 10am pilates class at my gym. Or sleeping til 10am. Learning how to make homemade pasta from scratch. Taking Honey to the park everyday. Folding the laundry that has grown vines into my bed because I never seem to make it to putting them away after making them clean.
Have important conversations.
You know how you say to your boyfriend, "We need to talk" and you can see him physically wince? Yeah that's me? I am notsomuch with the talking. I kinda hate it. I recognize it as a neccessary evil, but it an evil nonetheless. Sure, I'll do it. But I'll need a shot first. And through much of the conversation I will have the screw face and continue to flinch as though you're about to hit me. But it's not just about me. It's better for you too, Important Person I Have to have Important Convo with. Because I get all ridiculous and inarticulate when these convos arise and we both just end up all confused. So if I could get a clone to do it, hopefully they could do it right and I, you know, could go get a martini or something and then check back in for the make up sex.
Do all my shopping.
Unless it's for shoes, handbags or makeup, I hate shopping. All kind of shopping. Clothes. Furniture. Grocery. I'm out. Clone is in. I'm on the couch watching 48 Hours (OBSESSED).
Go to family functions.
I will admit that I have all but checked out of all kinds of family participation. This is partially because I have issues, and partially because they have issues. We are all equal parts to blame. As it stands right now, I have very little desire to check back in. But I know it would make my family happy. So the clone could be sent to all weddings, graduations, holiday bbqs, family dinners, and other events as necessary.
Talk on the phone.
Surely I have mentioned my intense hate for talking on the phone. I'm not sure why it bothers me, but I'd rather be doing a million other things. I would SO much rather email or text or IM. Hence my love for my BB. And those things that I can't do via the written word, that require actual personal interaction (i.e. fighting with Sallie Mae), usually require some period of me being on hold. I hate that even moreso than actually having to call.
Jury duty, doctor's visits, DMV lines, etc.
All a waste of my time. Do you know how many drinks I could have consumed in the time it took me to get my Texas DL? And how many I had to consume quite quickly after I got it to make up for the fact that I had to get a Texas DL? **shudder**