Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Reverse

So...

About the 3 or 4 years or so, my life long knack of self dependancy began to become a real problem in my relationships. My friends felt cut off. My significant others felt uneeded. I was generally suffering from the weight. It seemed, at the time, that this life long skill of keeping to myself, of handling my problems on my own without asking for help or even admitting that there was a problem, wasn't serving me. And I am all about doing away with those things that are not serving you.

So following it being a mild problem with Almost Fiance and then a pretty fantastically large issue with The Ex, I decided to try and do something about it. I apologized to my friends who I'd only shared part of myself with. I approached my current relationship trying to be as open to help as I know how. I made an honest effort to fully disclose the issues that I deal with, how they're affecting me, and to ask for help. I am well versed in my flaws and quite capable of expounding on them; I've tried to listen when people reach out to help me fix things I need some objective opinions about. Moreso than anything, I have tried in whatever way I know how to reverse the distance that has been created in many of my friendships by being secretive and allowing the people that love me to see my flaws and help me just as I help them.



Oh, I'm pretty sure I am done with that shit though.



Maybe it isn't the best way, but it is my way. And I have to admit that I certainly feel like I am getting less of what I need from friends and family and loved ones now that I am trying to be all forthcoming and bullshit than when I was just handling shit on my own. And at least then shit would get handled. And if I didn't have anyone to talk to about it or if I didn't have anyone to lean on, it was my own choice, not because I reached out to someone and essentially got the blank face.

I used to be tired of everyone assuming I know how to handle things on my own. Then I realized, they assumed so because that was the way I portrayed it to be. So then I tried to show myself fully for all my flaws and faults, and ask for advice and lean on the people who say they are there for me.



And I got nothing.


So... I'm out. At the very least I know the situation is of my own making and not put of sheer neglect.

That is all.

17 comments:

Mr.Slish said...

LA..Are you about to break up with your MAN friend...lol..

If thats the case I'm gonna let you in on a little secret...Dudes just say they want you to open up, but we really mean OPEN UP...get it..Open up..lol

I remember telling my lady that..Now she won't shut up. Every little crisis I gotta listen to the blah blah blah...lol

Sometime folks give you the blank stare, because

1.They really don't know how to help you.

2. If they tell what they really think it might alienate you from them entirely.

So the poker face is what you'll get...

Anyway I just drank a redbull so I'm kinda hyper right now..I could have misunderstood this whole post...lol..

Monie said...

LOL @ Slish

I'm thinking there's a backstory to this or maybe this post is just exactly what it is.

My only comment is *hugs*

La said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

No there is no breaking up of any kind going on. This was probably moreso friend related than romantically so, lol. But I do suggest you step back from the Red Bull. I will however, keep the advice in pocket.

La said...

You slipped in there Monie! There is alot of backstory... about 6-12 months of backstory. I just don't feel like getting into it. But I like hugs though :)

Rashan Jamal said...

I like keeping stuff to myself and about 1 other person. Self suffiency suits me and makes me who I am. I can see that being a problem in a relationship, but my friends will just have to adjust to me being me, nah mean?

the joy said...

Why do I always post after Rashan? Bah.

Can we achieve a happy medium? Let's not close out all the friends? I do think you're highly capable of handling things on your own, but sometimes its good to hand it over.

Opinionated Diva said...

I'm on the BB so no detailed comment. I'll be back...just wanted to send you a cyber hug!

Epsilonicus said...

You have been writing some depressing shit. I am ready to shoot myself after reading it!

I would not say close out all friends. You may just have to remove a lot. If they cared, they would actually be there. These people that give you the blank face are not friends

Vdizzle said...

So what was THEIR excuse for leaving you hanging?

Hang in there dear.

*more hugs*

magnoliapeach said...

I hear you. I'm the same way, I got it until I don't got it and even then I still got it, lol.

Since it's a hugging orgy, I'll join!!! :)

Opinionated Diva said...

Don't give up on your friends.

It's probably hard for them to adjust to this different side of you and a little bit scary if you are normally the strong one in your friendships. Not every one is as wise beyond their years as you are La.

mia. said...

I think Mr. Slish is on to something... sometimes people just don't know how to help.

As for me, I do take on a lot of stuff for myself because I don't trust anyone to do things the way I want them to be done.

Also, I have select friends for select occassions.

Friends, how many of us have them... Friends, ones we can depend on...

durtymo said...

Tell 'em how you really feel LA!

You so thorough it hurts *sigh*

jameil1922 said...

Oh La. You need hugs.

La said...

@RJ I see what you mean. It sounds like a good setup to me.

@Joy hmm... happy medium. I'll see about that.

@Diva thanks :)

@Epsi I will try and be a little ray of sunshine for you next time

@V good question

@Mags "I got it til I don't got it and even then I still got it." I LIKES that. Consider it stolen

@Diva you're probably right. But should I suffer because they can't adapt?

@mia "I do take on a lot of stuff for myself because I don't trust anyone to do things the way I want them to be done." Exactly.

@Durty I do what I do when I does it, you know?

@Jam I do!!!! lol

DollFace said...

you know what that blank stare REALLY means...aww damn now I can't talk about what I really called for(in your case, text)...ME!
I don't think that makes them bad friends; they simply aren't used to your isht being raggedy at times. Don't give up completely; give your friends a chance to redeem themselves.

Qucifer said...

Fuck "lean on me"...QQ Is not a team player for a damned reason (disappointment/ bullshit much?), There is an I on my team and she gets it done

So I don't begrudge you your stance