Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Does that Make me Crazy?... Possibly

So a few readers (Jam, Stace, X) have been reading for quite some time through all the foolishness and mayhem that has been these almost 400 posts. You've been here through this which led to this and then that. (And no kiddies your eyes are not deceiving you, those are in fact two distinctly different dates. Messy is what I am.) You've stuck around for rebounds, for this painful shit (read all 7 parts if you want to shake your head at me), then this facade of happy which inevitably led to this. (really this whole month of crazy) You've read all about this foray into foolishness and all the issues therein.

So what you should conclude, if you haven't already concluded, or you are a moron that doesn't see the forest for the trees after reading the links, is that I am notsomuch with the relationships. I'm not particularly good at them. (And by 'not particularly good' I mean BWAHAHAHAHAHA!) I am not one of those people for whom relationships come easy. I have to work sincerely hard at them. Like, HARD. Not like just regular hard. I'm talking straight up boot camp style work. I certainly wish that wasn't the case, but apparently you can't have nice tits AND be Relationship Girl.

So whatever.

Talking to my co-worker today she said something that struck me. She was talking about the issues that she has been having with her boyfriend and she said to me, "I am not sure that I am the relationship type. I don't know if I am all that comfortable with the idea of being had."

I thought it was interesting. I don't think I have a particular problem with "being had" but I am not all that certain that I am a "relationship type". Is there a "type" that fits best in a relationship?

Let's review...

I hate checking in. I'm not big on being emotionally available or "talking". I'm not particularly fond of being responsible for other people because I usually fuck it up nor am I all that gung ho about the growing pains that come along with people getting to the point where they "get me" because they usually fuck it up. I am fairly free spirited and slave to my whims which, while they don't ever include cheating, sometimes don't sit to well with the significant others. (Getting fucked up in VIP anyone?) I like being alone. I like my space. I desire a career that quite possibly won't leave me very little time to invest in someone other than my goals. I am particular. I resent feeling like I am being controlled or reprimanded or talked down to. I like keeping my own schedule. Do all these things sounds like the makings of a happy relationship? Probably notsomuch.

So I pose these questions. Is there a "type" of person who fits in a relationship? And we aren't considering cheaters or liars or people who are commitment-phobic. We're talking straight up personality traits that lend themselves to serial monogamy. And furthermore, are you one of those types? What have you had to change for love?


And why isn't there a class or something that serves Grey Goose and figures out this shit for me?

17 comments:

Mr.Slish said...

I hate you for this post...You've been reading my blog you know I struggle with the forever demon..lol

As i'm sitting typing this Shawnla is in my face trying to get my attention when I really just want to leave you a profound comment...Shit!!! Now i'm distracted..lol..

I'm a loner by nature...I don't follow relationship rules well...

No longer can I come home with a shrimp Roti just for me gotta get one for Shawnla too...lol

There is a type of person that fits in relationships. Indviduals who can't stand being alone. They're lives are not complete if they don't have someone to love...

What they fail to realise is that they are never truly alone.

I had soo much more to say, but Shawnla just put in that DAMN Creflo Dollar Cd!!! I gotta get out this fucking ROOM!!!!..lol

Mr.Slish said...

I hate you for this post...You've been reading my blog you know I struggle with the forever demon..lol

As i'm sitting typing this Shawnla is in my face trying to get my attention when I really just want to leave you a profound comment...Shit!!! Now i'm distracted..lol..

I'm a loner by nature...I don't follow relationship rules well...

No longer can I come home with a shrimp Roti just for me gotta get one for Shawnla too...lol

There is a type of person that fits in relationships. Indviduals who can't stand being alone. They're lives are not complete if they don't have someone to love...

What they fail to realise is that they are never truly alone.

I had soo much more to say, but Shawnla just put in that DAMN Creflo Dollar Cd!!! I gotta get out this fucking ROOM!!!!..lol

A Go Bytch said...

I think you would have to find someone that feels the same way about relationships as you do. If you truly want to be in a relationship. Not everybody is clingy and tied up in the controlling BS. Girl get you a truck driver part-time pastor...his ass will be gone most of the time...and he'll be back just in time when you need him. LOL

But seriously,

I think if u truly want to be in a relationship find someone that's into their career and other things like yourself. Don't find an idiot with too much time on his hands...then all he'll be worrying about is what you are doing that you are not worried about what he is doing.

Dating is such hard work I've decided to direct my attention elsewhere...girl I can't seem to get it together either.

jameil1922 said...

i don't know that it's that deep. NO ONE wants those dysfunctional relationships you defined. i don't think there's a relationship "type." do you want to be happy? that's not to say you can't be happy alone but it's great to share your life with someone in a committed relationship without the controlling negativity you described. that's not a real relationship. i need you to meet some functional people. in some way shape or form relationships are hard period and take adjusting but i have to keep trying b/c if i don't then i'll never get all the positive things such an interaction can bring. there are no perfect relationships b/c there are no perfect people as cliche as that sounds. the truth is just that.

Vdizzle said...

I don't really have any input on this seeing how I am alone right now. I agree with Jam, these were just dysfunctional people you were around.

As to be cliche, they didn't "get" you. Maybe that was the sign that they were wrong. The whole, "if you have to ask, you can't afford it" thing. Maybe it should all fall into place and it didn't with them.

the joy said...

Honestly I don't think I'm the relationship "type." I honestly think that I'm just lucky, and if not for my partner, who surely has his hands full sometimes, I would be bouncing from guy to guy in unhappiness.

I think the rare few that have experienced a healthy relationship in their parents or some other influential figure, they may be the relationship type. But we know how rare that is.

X Factor said...

And cookies... the class would most CERTAINLY have to serve cookies as well.

Anyway... I don't think you've been involved with dysfunctional people, per se. I just think two people have to fit. Sounds cliche, but it is what it is. And I am slowly but surely coming around to the idea that I do not, in fact, have to be in a traditional RELATIONSHIP in order to be happy. But then again, I'm all about becoming a single mother at 35 if all else fails, so what the hell do I know?

**throwing up my hands**

nikki said...

i'm with 'x'. what is 'dysfunctional' really? folk do what works for them, even if it doesn't work for other folk, so it's functioning for somebody, even if it means the relationship doesn't thrive as a result of how those folk are functioning. shit, i just confused myself.

bottom line, it comes down to what you're willing to put up with and then finding the person who fits that groove.

there might be folk out there more active in the search for a relationship for whatever reason, but that doesn't make them more the relationship type. shit, how many times you see a person who fucks up relationship after realtionship out there every DAY looking for the next one? one can be eager...doesn't mean he/she does it well.

i say the key is self-awareness. recognize what you bring and what you're looking for and then be honest about whether or not your wants vibe with who you are. if they don't, make the adjustments or change the criteria.

ultimately, the potential relationship can be a catalyst for change, but i think it's a mistake if it's the motivation for it.

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

When you find that class let me know.

CNEL said...

I don't think there's a type.

I think there's a time when you're ready, there's a time when you're willing to put in effort, and there's a time when you realize you need to cut out the b-s, and live your life so you can be happy.

Love and relationships are complicated; they wound and they hurt; they cure and restore.

Its cyclical by nature. Anyone who thinks they're an expect at it, all at once is disillusioned.

Duck said...

Heh heh heh... I'm giggling because mostly everyone here has said there's not a relationship "type"... and yet I keep getting told that's what I am... by friends... exes... my dad... grandma... it's madness, I tell ya.

But I can say being a person who's at ease with the idea of a relationship doesn't make anything easier. The same problems (or different ones, whichever way the universe lines up) may still come to the surface. So I second the notion that it's all about matching up with a person that fits you and your view on things.

And as an addendum... it's not quite fair to classify the "relationship type" as someone who *needs* to be coupled. The more accurate label for that is "co-dependent." And that's never a good look.

Duck said...

And as an addendum (because I just re-read your last question)... I, personally, haven't had to change much, other than finding time in my schedule, to be with someone... but I have had friends that felt like they needed to make major adjustments now that a boy was in the picture... and that was often to their detriment. So again...do you. And be with someone that fits that.

LadyShay said...

I think when you find the right person, it will work itself out. Not saying you won't have bumps along the road, but that makes it more interesting.
I like relationships, and only get in to them with a guy that I feel like I could be with. I like having that one person that I can be around, even if it's in silence, or he's playing video games while I play on my laptop, or whatever. I don't know about being a pro relationship type, or what traits contribute to that. I just think that when you are ready and want to be committed and you find someone that balances you out then it'll just fall in to place. Maybe I'm just a sucka!

Qucifer said...

Some people are and crave that, some people aren't, that doesn't mean you are damaged r nothing, occasionally you find people that know how to accommodate your needs for independence and it works well, me personally I was never house 2.5 kids wish-type and as time goes on I move farther away from that but I don't feel is as detrimental as society makes it look

The Second Sixty-Eight said...

Girl, you nuts! And yes you do suck at relationships. And I didn't even read the links!

You seem to have gotten some good advice on this so I won't blog in your comment section... This time...

I will say that there is a bit of compromise necessary. But you gotta resolve yourself to doing that first.

And if you want easy, do something else.

Jonzee said...

This is what I got. I'd say that at the base of everything you just said is fear-fear of the personal evolution it takes to make any relationship work.

You know why I say that? Because my "sorta still" S.O. said the same thing when we first started dating. All of that shit you just said. And as an independent, "dowhatchalike" type, no worries. There is always a little cling in the beginning--but everyone is obsessed with new shit--until it gets old. Now, we have time and space and all that stuff you want--and its killing it.

I am with Jameil on this. Relationship are what or what you don't make of it. Great friendship. Someone who lets you be you--but also demands that you keep working at being better and better versions of yourself.

rebecca said...

The Star
(1)

Twinkle, twinkle, little star!

How I wonder what you are,

Up above the world so high,

Like a diamond in the sky.

(2)

When the blazing sun is gone,

When he nothing shines upon,

Then you show your little light,

Twinkle, twinkle all the night.
(3)

The dark blue sky you keep

And often thro' my curtains peep,

For you never shut your eye

Till the sun is in the sky.

(4)

'Tis your bright and tiny spark

Lights the traveler in the dark;

Though I know not what you are

Twinkle, twinkle, little star!

-----by aoc power leveling