Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Things you Should get Fired...but Don't if you Work at The Company

In keeping with this week's theme I present to you...


Things that Should get you Fired... but Don't if you Work for The Company



Because I come from a long line of they-can-do-that-but-you-can't-cux-you're-black-and-different-rules-apply rhetoric, there are certain things I won't do with my co-workers, let alone at work. But there are many things that my co-workers will do... and therefore provide me limitless entertainment.



1. Sleeping with your boss.
Who's married.

And who's your boss.
AND MARRIED.
The Company has no fraternazation rules of any kind. I realized it at my orientation when we were going over corporate policies and practices and there was absolutely NOTHING in black and white concerning it. Especially in an operation like mine, where it is somewhat small and every department is essentially interdependent with another, it is bound to happen that someone meets someone they are attracted to. It happens everywhere. The foolishness comes in when there are no rules governing this attraction; i.e. it's ok to sleep with anyone who works here. Even if they're your boss. Even if they're married and your relationship is endless fodder for lunch time chats (because this is high school). Anywhere else this kinda behavior would get you fired or transfered to a different division or at least a stern talking to from your superior. But nope. Here you are just laughed at because you two are the worst at hiding a relationship we've ever seen.

And because HE IS NOT LEAVING HIS WIFE.

2. Discussing with your co-workers how fucked up you were/are/gonna get.
This is a very common and often lively discussion that I hear around the building. Maybe cuz it's Texas and the Texans do love their beer, but I was taught you keep your drunken antics out of the office and off youtube. But here, getting drunk (wasted more accurately) is not only talked about in open, but it is celebrated. Exhibit A:

Co-Worker 1: What are you doing tonight?
Co-Worker 2: Tonight... I'm getting FUCKED UP.
CW 1: Hell yeah!
*high fives all around*


Foolish.

3. Calling out sick...

...because you're hungover.
This is a common occurrence around these parts. It's almost understood that the day after your birthday/holiday/court date, you are supposed to call out sick. WTF?!?! Just because a nigga found out Neek Neek wasn't his, he gotta go get fucked up with his friends and co-workers and not come to work the next day? Veto.

4. Calling out sick...

...on the same day of the week, every week.
I can't be the only person that noticed this. As a matter of fact, I know I'm not. But yet and still, despite this practice being common knowledge, there are plenty of people who "get sick" on the exact same day of every week. Come ON! At least don't insult my intelligence.

5. Making gratuitous personal calls.
When your desk phone becomes an unwitting assistant in your pimps up, hoes down lifestyle, you gotta go. Unless you work for The Company, in which case no one cares because they have to discuss and plan how they're going to accomplish #3.



I love my job :-)




Tomorrow's list...



Things Being Affected by Inflation that I WILL NOT Stand For

12 comments:

Vdizzle said...

Yeah here you can go to a Mardi Gras parade, get sloppy drunk and flash the Wildlife and Fisheries officers (who you cover with your Outdoors beat) and people only mention it in passing.

Jonzee said...

Well, let me tell you up north here we take ourselves WAAAAAY to damn seriously.

But, damn what happened to balance?

Rashan Jamal said...

Can I have an application? LOL

mia. said...

A marketing company in Japan has started offering “heartache leave” to its employees. Essentially, the company lets employees take time off for breakups. The system is a little biased, staff under 25 get one day off per year, staff between 25 and 29 get two days per year, and team members 30 or older get three days per year. We’re assuming that the logic is that older people are probably in more serious relationships and will probably be hit harder by a breakup. That’s probably fair.

http://www.tangomag.com/20083433/in-japan-time-off-for-breaking-up.html

*dead*

cherry's kid said...

Ok La, I think I work for The Company. Because I do call out sick because of my hangovers, I call out damn near every Monday [because I'm hung over], I have discussed with my Office Manager that I get fucked up on Sunday, Friday, and Saturday nights, and my hoes definitely call my company cell phone all the time!!!!

However I am not sleeping with anyone in my division But........there is someone on the other floor that is getting it regularly from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So are you saying you wouldn't hire me? LMAO!

ps. this is all very true and so my life!

Qucifer said...

Oh yes yes yes all this sort of mess goes down in my office, not with as much regularity as the other hoodrat ass places I used to work at but nonetheless we too have excellent levels of unprofessionalism going about, like when a lawyer decides to rip a new ass to his client via loudspeaker for the whole suite to hear, is pretty glorious or when I gotta tell my boss to pipe it down or shut the fuck up cause he's giving me a headache, or when he tells me that if times get hard he'll start thinking about pimping me out for clients

La said...

@V omg I can only imagine the foolishness that ensues when you add Mardi Gras and legal public intoxication.

@Jonzee right?!? I don't mind a comfy work environment where maybe not everyone is politically incorrect as they could be, but spending 9 hours a day with people who a. seem like they have a stick up their ass or b. are one brain tumor away from a story line of The Young and the Restless is way too much for me, lol

@Rashan hahahaha! You would SO fit in here

@mia. WHAT?!?! I can't believe it, lol. That's so ridiculous. Break up time? Lawd.

@cherry's kid I think you DO work here. That sounds exactly like the antics of many people I work with. I love them. And they're not offensive so it's bearable. But sometimes I still go... err? lol

@Q pimping you out?! Oh no ma'am, lol

the joy said...

At my job, you can come in drunk, barf, and go home. Everyone pities you, even though they know you're hungover.

And of course, with all those beds around, people are bound to wanna hook up (though not actually in the beds) and our security guard got another pregnant, though he's so married.

Opinionated Diva said...

omg @ joy...that security guard is outta control.

to my knowledge we don't have fraternization rules here either...so far i haven't seen anything that warrents anything in writing...yet! lol

your co-workers sound young...that conversation was hilarious! lol

DollFace said...

LMAO...I came over here to tell you I voted for you for best writing...and I see your ass is already pimping votes. My kind of girl!

jameil1922 said...

HAHAHAHA. you is a FOOL la! son... why you decide to post daily when i didn't have the net anymore? hater.

rebecca said...

The Swing
(1)

How do you like to go up in a swing,

Up in the air so blue?

Oh, I do think it the pleasantest thing

Ever a child can do.

(2)

Up in the air and over the wall,

Till I can see so wide,
River and trees and cattle and all

Over the countryside

(3)

Till I look down on the garden green

Down on the roof so brown
Up in the air I go flying again

Up in the air and down!

-----by runescape money