Friday, December 12, 2008

Real Nigga Roll Call

**WARNING: the following post may or may not be suitable for work, depending on if you sit next to a nosy bitch who is always peeking at your computer screen or if you have one of those IT departments that has nothing better to do than to snoop around your visited sites. Mostly, there is a lot of cursing, so it's not suitable for Jam.**








I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately, so I had prepared myself for this beautiful post answering the first of these questions, but then something else pulled my focus. So walk with me for a minute...

Lord knows I try my hardest to disagree with everything that comes out of Diddy's mouth. More often than not, every single thing that nigga coon says is in direct conflict with A. How intelligent I am and B. How intelligent I have to believe he is. So I try to dismiss it as pure coonery and tom foolery.
But maybe he was on to something when he was discussing the epidemic of Bitchassness.

Lately, for some reason, I have been astounded by reports of widespread Bitch Ass Nigga Syndrome from my friends, co-workers, random bloggers, the news, people I eavesdrop on. It is beginning to become quite a serious condition that is affecting all of us. And in the spirit of national unity that my president has inspired, I think we should all do something to help. I have devoted more than a few posts to extreme cases of Bitchassness. I consider this doing my part, raising awareness of the early warning signs.

Such as this one...



If the guy in the office who is smarter/more attractive/more driven than you gets praise, and you spend the next hour on the phone in your cube whispering feverishly and then whining until 5pm when I clock out... you are a bitch.

And since you asked, like only a pussy would, HELL YEAH I'D LET HIM HIT. Have you SEEN this dude?!?

Fucking hater.


You ever fucked with a real dude? I don't mean that in the literal sense. But I mean, have you ever dealt with a truly REAL ASS NIGGA? Personally, trill is an attribute like swagger that, like air, I simply cannot do without. Lord knows I've dealt with a bitch ass nigga a time or two in this here life, but I have also had the distinct pleasure of being involved with some who registered off the meter in trill.


Remember back when you could take niggas at their word? When even the grimiest most criminal dude had some kinda honor to himself as part of his constitution. Remember back when niggas didn't do things like...
... leaving packages of things she left at your place on her doorstep and busting windows out of cars... like a bitch?

What in the bitch nigga hell?


Remember how when a dude was through with you, he actually came out his mouth said he was through rather than acting like an ass til you said it was over...
... rather than calling and crying at 3 o'clock in the goddamn morning on a Tuesday because you cheated on her and want her back?

Remember when a man's idea of grooming was making sure he kept his nails cut short so he didn't scratch you when... well, just so that he didn't scratch you?
... Instead of coming and getting a milk bath soak and body wrap with me.

Oh my God do you remember when dudes could LAY IT DOWN? And I don't mean they were simply just good in bed, I mean all out-sweat-out-your-hair-pull-a-muscle-in-your-back-I-have-absolutely-no-choice-but-to-pass-out-because-I-am-so-completely-worn-out-but-I-cant-wait-to-tell-my-best-friend kinda dick. Just a little note... if you're complaining about having to cuddle with your girl after sex, you have no one to blame but yourself because if you'd fucked her til she PASSED THE FUCK OUT then she wouldn't need to cuddle.
And you mean to tell me there are still niggas in the world that don't eat pussy?

Sir, please go outside and kill yourself.


I am missing men the way they used to be. The ones that didn't take no shit, but didn't have to be overtly aggressive to prove the size of their balls.

The ones that recognized that providing for his family was mandatory, not an option.

Ones that realized that loving a woman with everything they have was a badge of honor, not a flash of weakness.

Men that know how to use a power drill and grill a steak. Men that play hide and seek and set bedtimes. Men that knew how to be self assured without being arrogant.

Who don't talk to me while the Cowboys are playing.

Who wouldn't know cashmere or mink if you wrapped it around a stripper while she gave him a lap dance.

Who recognize that talking louder or more doesn't mean you're saying anything worth listening to.

Who didn't get angry with their partners for trying to get their lives together, instead figuring out how they could get their shit to follow suit.
I miss men who didn't snitch.
Who didn't gossip.

Who knew how to be their mother's son without trying to turn their mother into their wife.



So why is it that we have to settle for this new breed of bitch? We didn't sign up for this shit. Why it is that you, in your childish pursuit of passive aggressive no fault emotional cheating, can't stop pissing her off but yet you can't deal with her being angry? Get off the fence. Your balls have got to hurt from straddling it so long.


I think the issue is that for too long, women have been the ones complaining and reporting these instances of Bitch Ass Nigga Syndrome. I would think that more real niggas would be complaining about it; after all you are the ones that end up looking bad. Or are you too much of a dying breed, too concerned with fighting off extinction that you don't have time to speak out?


I'm not sure what the case is. However, I certainly do wish that there were more men hollering present when the real nigga roll is called so less women were hollering about dogs.





If nothing else, do it for me. I can't stand these whiny bitches any more than you can.

28 comments:

mia. said...

Amen.

(I'll have more but me and my baby sis are off to the movies - I'll be back!!!)

A.J. Brown said...

Speak on it! I sure as hell didn't sign up for this shit.
All those infected with Bitch Ass Nigga Syndrome should migrate as far away from me as possible and may only return when you get your shit together.
I mean, really what the hell is going on?

LadyLee said...

Woo, woo, woo, LA!

LOL @ "Sir, please go outside and kill yourself."

HAAA!!! That was funny.

I hope you feel better after getting that allll out! HA!!

Anonymous said...

this is some good shit. can i quote you?

A Go Bytch said...

Okay.. I'll come back later hun when I get off!!!

Have a great weekend!

Go b.

poeticwax said...

"What in the bitch nigga hell?" LOLOLOLOL

I think they were always kind of rare. I just think technology has made us have to come to terms with how many there are.

Or maybe bitch niggas procreate more than real ones. That's a possibility too.

Either way, instead of a car czar, we need a Real Nigga Czar. Because there's a serious epidemic going on.

Chris said...

Dudes that don't kiss the kitten...as Chris Rock once asked, "they STILL make you?"

I have to agree 200 percent with this post as a man, because we HAVE neglected to study our grandfathers in what it was like to be a real man. My generation of absentee fathers screwed up with teaching us to be up front, to take charge, to be cool under pressure, to basically be a man.

Only way we're going to get the respect of our women back is if we start figuring out what real men do and live by those laws.

But hey, at least I can say I've had a girl pass out on my chest :-)

Jada said...

HALLELUYER!

AND LET THE CHURCH SAY AMEN!

Truer Words Have never been spoken La. Damn I'mma have to link this one day.

You said everything I've been feeling.

Princess Katrina said...

hahaha this is a great post!

Qucifer said...

BWAHAHAHAHAaHh I've laughed until tears just came out This is just too damned hilarious You got slap happy in regards to the overabundance of bitchassness in the World!

b. good said...

Well! Say it, say it again!

*stands and applauds*

poeticwax said...

I just wanted to point out that I am STILL laughing at "what in the bitch nigga hell?" Priceless.

Blah Blah Blah said...

Tell me La...Bella...
Name me the last man you dealt with that wasn't any of this shit...and who was the shit...who was the man...
Name that muthafucka for me and at the same time...kick yourself in the ass!
'Cause you should have kept a hold of that man...'cause I can honestly say...I ain't met a man like that in some years...and I am the dating professional who made sure that I made it a point to meet all me...from California to NYC...to now in DC...
I have yet to meet a man in the 21st century that wasn't some sort of bitch ass ni99a....
Just syain'...
Ain't hating...'cause lawd knows I need a man around...but a man versus a MAN...I'm waiting.

Opinionated Diva said...

I'm going to agree with Blah...it has been a LONG time since I've met a man who didn't have SOME kind of bitchassness about him. Either he gossips, or talks too much...he lies about the stupidest shit or it bothers him that I make more than him (after all I'm "just a secretary").

I think I'm pass the point of being pissed off about it. What's sad is I'll definitely look at him sideways if he appears 'normal'.

poeticwax said...

Wait, I knew somebody like that once.

Oh wait, that was me.

son of a bitch...

La said...

@A.J., I am all for them migrating as far as possible away from you... unless that is closer towards me, lol

@LadyLee, you know I DO feel quite a bit better, lol

@poeticwax, OMG can we PLEASE get a petition going for a Bitch Nigga Czar? I swear that is the best cause I have heard of in the longest, lol

@Chris, I think the biggest problem is that most men don't think you like you. They don't even realize that there is a problem, let alone that there are some very tangible examples present demonstrating how to correct it

@Jada, **waving my chruch fan**

@Katrina **takes a bow**

@Q, "You got slap happy in regards to the overabundance of bitchassness in the World!" BWAHAHAHA! I dunno why that made me laugh so hard, but it did, lol

@Blah, well unfortunately, I have learned that even if he isn't a bitch, it doesn't mean that he is the real nigga for me. **sigh**

@Diva, **blank stare** There are still men in the world that don't like women making more than them? Jesus.

@poeticwax, BWAHAHAHAHA! lol

LadyDeathStrike said...

#1 -- this is one of your best posts.

#2 -- LMFAO at the warning... muahahahahahah bwahahahahahaha that shit was funny as hell!!

#3 -- AMEN! WOW! PREACH ON GIRLFRIEND! DAMN! <-- that's all i can really say.

jameil1922 said...

wow... thanks for the warning. of course when i tried to skim only the profanities jumped off the page. if someone can give me the edited version of this... lolol

Monie said...

Laaaaaaaaa, dammit can you PLEEEEASSSSSSEE pack yourself in a UPS box and ship your ass to Cleveland??????

La said...

@Lady, hahahaha I thought you would ge it, lol

@jam, see? I gave fair warning, lol

@Monie, I do travel well... ;-)

Vdizzle said...

I concur on all points ma'am.

And of course he won't talk to you while the 'boys are playing (Saints for me), because he is watching too!!!

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

Oh fuck, La, you nailed it! Dang that was an AWESOME post. It was so good I had to read it twice.

I'm adding this one to my sidebar of my favorite posts by other bloggers. It rocked, truly.

Green said...

OK....
I have officially found my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE POST!!!!!!

This blog is already on my blogroll, but this post will be specially listed in its own nook so it can be worshipped.

I am now a devout reader.

Green said...

I can't even comment.

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

Love this post! This is my fave so far from you.

I hate a gossipy ass man.

Hot Girl Extraordinaire said...

Wow - found you through Mia and talk about a Narrative Hook. I just kept wondering when you broke into my house and read my diary.

HGE

X Factor said...

Let the chu'ch say AMENNNNNN!!!!! I can personally attest to the pure oxygen-like necessity of a trill ass nigga in my life (having had one in my day)... especially the fuck 'em til they pass out kind, LOL. But I do have to point out that I know one who can identify cashmere... I'm just sayin.

spchrist said...

Jesus "fawking christ" that was straight fire and I wouldn't expect anything less from you.

But you had me on this line...lol

"if you're complaining about having to cuddle with your girl after sex, you have no one to blame but yourself because if you'd fucked her til she PASSED THE FUCK OUT then she wouldn't need to cuddle."