Monday, February 1, 2010

Bulletproof

Here are some things you might not know about me...

- I am 25.
- I have a college degree from the HBCU better than all others.
- Said degree was obtained in 4 years... but it should have taken me 6.
- I have no children. None. Just a dog.
- I have never been married.
- I have a good job at a name brand company, and a part time job to fund my dreams. In short, I hustle.
- And, to put it plainly, I'm BAD. Five star. Cold. "Fine... fine as all outdoors."

So there you go.

Now why am I the only one that recognizes that most of that shit doesn't matter when it comes to finding a mate?

We are becoming our bullet points. And it is ridiculous. It is not a male thing, or a female thing. EVERYONE is falling for this bullshit. It's happened to all of us; you meet a person at  bar/concert/church/party and before you can say their name aloud three times to remember it, they are telling you all about their resume.

And if you are anything like me, you don't give a shit.

Personally, I am over bulletpoint niggas. You don't get a gold star because you have a job. You don't get a pat on the head because you went to college. You don't get a cookie because you didn't get some off brand hoe you met in a club knocked up.

Listen very carefully...

YOU ARE NOT A GLITCH IN THE MATRIX. YOU ARE NOT AN ANOMALLY IN NATURE. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. YOU DO NOT GET SPECIAL TREATMENT. NIGGA, THAT'S WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO.

You don't get extra credit for doing the LEAST of things.

I know, baby mamas and unemployment is rampant. And more than a few dudes don't have cars, let alone a safe, reliable mode of transportation, and are more than happy to set up permanent residence in their mama's basement. However, being outside of that group does not make you The Golden Child. It means you are doing what you are supposed to be doing. Grab your nuts and go that way.

Women are just as guilty. You've done it, your friends have done it, hoes are doing it all over the damn internet; running down their degrees and their jobs and their homes and their trips and shit as though this makes them a better person. Rolling out the laundry list of requirements they have for a mate that has nothing, ABSOLUTELY NO THING to do with how that man will treat you, who he is, what his personal constitution entails.

Let's be perfectly clear; we are not our resumes. Where I work, what I look like, says nothing about my character. It speaks to nothing that would make me a suitable mate.

And what kills me is, WE ALL KNOW THAT.

Most of us have dated Guy Who is Great on Paper. I certainly have. Don't believe me? Search the archives.

But here's the thing; so many of these men are ONLY good on paper. They are not loyal, they are not kind or funny or generous or thoughtful or adventurous or spiritual or intelligent or family oriented or ANY of the things that would contribute to building a happy, healthy, fruitful life together. Most of the men in my life, platonic and otherwise, have been college educated, with a good job, and no kids and blah blah blah. And trust that it's real talk when I tell you that degree does NOTHING to make them more faithful or emotionally available. Having a good job is not synonymous with being ready to commit. Not having children does not mean he is responsible. More often than not it means the nigga is LUCKY.

I say it all the time, and you won't believe me because you don't know me. But the people who are in my everyday life know better; I would spend my life with the janitor of an elementary school if it meant that he would love me for the rest of this life. Does that mean that our obvious economic status wouldn't cause us issues at some point? Probably not. Does it mean that there is a chance that we might not like the same things or be interested in the same cultural pursuits? Maybe. I'm not that naive. But at the end of the day, fuck my degree and my car and my job and my dog and all the stamps in my passport. Will you take this walk with me, even if it means that sometimes it is so bad that we have to crawl?

THAT is who I want.

It really is great when you find someone who has similar life experiences as you because in many ways, they can relate to who you are and what your life is about. I've always maintained that if I could build my perfect man he would be a childless black guy from a 2 parent household from Atlanta, have gone to an HBCU Howard, probably work in broadcast or entertainment like I do, and never have met a sporting match he didn't want to watch (outside of tennis; can't fuck with it). Let's not even mention the fact that I would adore it if he were at least a foot larger than me (I'm tiny) and I would love it if his shoulders were as wide as the horizon.

But in reality, NOT possessing those things is not a good enough reason to disqualify a man who is otherwise prepared to give me all the things I want and need.

So please stop doing it.
Please.

Thus far, I have lived a fairly bulletproof life. And I encourage you to do the same. You never know, if you stopped allowing yourself to get shot up, walking around wounded by these men you have NO business being with in the first place, you might even live long enough to find what it is that you are looking for.

14 comments:

Inspired said...

This lazy lurker steps out only to say, you just spit words like you are the one who schooled the baddest rappers ever. This truth is kavlar!

Inspired said...

Oops meant kevlar.

FLAMBOYANTchiq said...

thank you
i really needed to read this today

Adei von K said...

Oh yes, Good On Paper... broke my heart the absolute WORST. like, talking marriage with ex girlfriend while I was still in the picture. He just happened to leave his word document up before he went to sleep.

of course I suspected and dealt with his Jack and Jill, upper crust of Birmingham ass but that love letter to the supposed ex was the last straw.

Monie said...

Ughhhhhhh, LOVE. YOU.

Like, for serious.

Like the new look over here too.

Minerva Exertion said...

Okay!! I came out of Lurkers Delight to say I LOVE THIS POST!!!

I agree with you 100% on this. At the end of the day, no one really gives a shit about all your bullet points, houses, 800 (or really 300) credit score, or your getaways to Europe and the islands. I heard many men, real dudes, say this. All this I've heard from men who were business-owners, cooks, janitors, doctors, lawyer, etc. No one gives a shit. At the end of the day, it's all about happiness.

"I would spend my life with the janitor of an elementary school if it meant that he would love me for the rest of this life. Does that mean that our obvious economic status wouldn't cause us issues at some point? Probably not. Does it mean that there is a chance that we might not like the same things or be interested in the same cultural pursuits? Maybe. I'm not that naive. But at the end of the day, fuck my degree and my car and my job and my dog and all the stamps in my passport. Will you take this walk with me, even if it means that sometimes it is so bad that we have to crawl?"

You said it best right there!!!

May I please be granted permission, with all credit going to you of course, to link this post.

Loved it!!!

La said...

@Inspired Hey lurker! lol I wish I had the rhythm to be a rapper. I'd be schoolin' hoes. lol

@FLAMBOYANTchiq those kinda comments make me smile :)

@Adei Are you SERIOUS?!?! Omg. *hug* Yeah it seems like the good on paper dudes are the ones that hurt the most; not only do you have to deal with losing them but you have a whole dream/illusion you invested in that you have to part with too *sigh*

@Monie Thanks Mon! You know I love your bed falling ass. lol

@Minerva of course you can link. Let's spread the word so I don't have to hear this convo anymore, lol

A.Smith said...

You. Are. On. Point.
You. Speak. Truth.

Like Chris Rock says, "N*ggas always want cookies for the sh*t they supposed to do."

I don't want cookies and I don't want to give cookies for the regular stuff. Please AND thanks.

A friend of mine recently was whining about not being able to find a man... "I don't understand" she said, "we're all good looking, accomplished women with no babies, college degrees and aspirations..."

"And?" I asked her, "we're also a dime a dozen, if you want to be honest about it. Hell, if you wanna be REAL honest, you and I could both name 7 women each that have the same credentials as we do. We are not special simply because we did what we were supposed to."

Being in a relationship is not about submitting a resume and waiting to hear back. Lawd Jeebus -- what's it gonna take for us to learn this!?

Got a guy right now who wants to tell me all about how much money he makes, everytime we talk.

Thanks bruh -- I appreciate the effort -- but let's talk about your value system because that's what I'm interested in.

chele said...

This was a great post. I find I have to keep myself from laughing or rolling my eyes when men (and women) start running down their bulletpoints. Seriously, who the hell cares?

I found you through That Southern Gal.

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

This isn't new. EXACT same observations and complaints of my girlfriends about the time you were coming into the world.

Thank God for dogs... and just as they haven't changed, people have not nor will not either. It is what it is.

yours truly said...

there isn't a single thing that needs to be added to this post. couldn't agree more.

i'm liking the new layout as well. simple but cute.

Monique said...

Real muthaplucking talk!

Epsilonicus said...

I am not going to lie: I have a list. I do. And my list is short but these things are necessary. It doesn't look like a resume but more like a psychological profile. If you are as mad as a hatter I don't want you.

But you know why dudes post their bullet points? Because other dudes mess up so badly that the normal shit you suppose to do looks good. I have had a chick ask for my number off the strength that I held the door for her. Isn't that what I am suppose to do? Shouldn't I hold the door for you? Shouldn't I have manners.

It is not even that the majority of dudes are scrubs. It is just that they get majority of the attention.

K. said...

Just stumbled on this blog, read a couple of posts, and was like "I like her!" LOL. Great post.