We are all prone to judging. It is our way as humans. And really, no matter what commonly espoused clichés would have you believe, there is nothing wrong with using your judgment.
Some of y'all are taking it too far though.
This has never been more apparent than this morning on Twitter watching you people discuss Kim Kardashian’s engagement. Opinions ranged between shock at the ostentatiousness of the ring (20 carats?!?!) to raised eyebrows at how long they had been dating (6 months?!?!) before settling firmly on the train of thought that I take the most issue with: that Kim Kardashian doesn’t deserve a 20 carat ring/marriage/love because she once made a sex tape with her boyfriend that was made public.
Get the entire fuck out of here.
Some people were kidding. And really, my Twitter timeline is all about the comedy. But some people were categorically NOT joking.
Isn’t this what we do to women? Tell them they must be a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed. But don’t talk about that freaky stuff. You HAVE to swallow/take it up the ass/have a threesome/buy a sex swing to keep your man because what you don’t do for him someone else will. But don’t actually like it. If you do, you’re not a woman endeavoring to keep a man happy, which should be your ultimate goal. Then, you’re just a whore. Don’t be a virgin because no one wants to deflower you and deal with all that emotional responsibility because as a woman, you must be reduced to a pile of poetry writing, infatuation fighting, love song wailing feelings at giving your most precious flower with a man. Besides, you need to have the sex skills of a porn star to keep your man happy. But don’t hone those sex skills over too many partners because then you’re easy. And for God’s sake, DON’T BE HONEST WITH YOUR PARTNER ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL HISTORY! And CERTAINLY don't demand your sexual endeavors actually please or satisfy you.
It’s ridiculous. You “need” to do all of these “whorish” things to keep a man, but only in secret. Because if anyone finds out or- Gasp! Shock! Awe! - you actually enjoy it, then you are clearly a dirty, worthless slut with more miles run through your vagina than I-10.
This has always been the problem I have with critics of Kim Kardashian and whatever or whoever she's doing. Keep the criticism valid; say she can’t sing. Or that she sometimes appears more than a bit vapid and self absorbed. Or that she has made a name for herself trading in sexy with the kind of body shape that has caused Black, and to a lesser extinct Hispanic women, to be deemed “too ethnic” in Hollywood for years (though that isn’t really her fault).
But don’t try to convince me that because you can pay $29.99 to watch her give lackluster head to her ex-boyfriend that somehow she is no longer deserving of being someone’s girlfriend, fiancé, or wife.
I am always interested in the criteria that people have for what a wife “should” be, how she “should” act, how she should have behaved herself before marriage, in order to be considered “marriage material”. It’s all bullshit. And what disturbs me is that so many people, men and women, buy into these “ideals” of how a woman should conduct herself, further blindly participating in the patriarchy.
There is a glaring double standard here. The same men that would high five Ray J for mounting Kim’s massive ass from the back, are the same ones hollering about how she doesn’t “deserve to be wifed”. As if she was fucking herself in the video. As if he wasn’t there, boring us all to death, too. As if he didn’t experience the opportunity for the same kind of career boost she did.
I vehemently protest the notion that someone’s sexual history should disqualify them from EVER being in love or being happy.
You people are the WORST.
What sin did she really commit? Having sex? Having sex on tape? Having sex with Ray J? (Which, in my opinion, is the real tragedy here.) She filmed herself having sex with a long-term boyfriend and, no matter how you believe the tape got out, it was offered up for the consumption of people who really like to watch celebs have sex. Why is Ray J not the whore? Why is there not a greater commentary on the reasonable expectation of privacy that two pseudo-celebs can expect when filming themselves have underwhelming sex? Why is Kim the only one who gets continuously trashed and sentenced to a lifetime of spinster-dom because of a sex tape?
Because she's a woman? Because she dared have sex? Because she deigned to tape it? Because it got out? Because you people bought and watched it enough to make it one of the best-selling porn DVDs OF ALL TIME?
If you try to convince me it is for any reason other than she has a vagina, I will call you a liar and a socialist.
At this point, I can only shake my head. Because there are so many people of both genders who STILL, despite all evidence to the contrary, that believe a woman’s sole value lies in what’s between her legs and how she chooses to use it.