Friday, November 23, 2012

Nice Girls

There was a time in my life when I was wholly preoccupied with people thinking I was “nice.” Though I proudly espoused the old adage that “nice girls rarely make history”, I was fairly consumed with co-workers, friends, lovers, strangers not finding me to be an asshole while I made history. Or you know, lived.
If I had to use the psychology degree I earned from watching Dr. Phil and Iyanla Fix my Life, I could probably trace it back to when I was in high school. People looked at me and assumed I was a bitch because of how I looked. Or took in my attire and mistook my general mistrust of all nouns (people, places, things) as me being “stuck up”. When you’re a kid dying to fit in and longing to belong anywhere, that hurts. And so I worked overtime at proving them wrong. I was overly polite. I tried to, if not befriend, certainly be kind to people (sometimes I failed). I took immense joy in the oft repeated declaration, “You know, when I first met/saw (judged) you I thought you were such a bitch, but you are so cool!” ignoring how shocked people were that a woman could be pretty and smart and, you know, act in a manner consistent with human decency, at the same. Instead I focused on the satisfaction of knowing I had changed their idea of me. I had succeeded. They liked me. They thought I was nice. I had won them over, no matter the effort or the back breaking bending I had to do to get there.
But fuck all that now.
The truth is, I am nice. Mostly. Some days I snap at people. Oftentimes my annoyance at something that has been said or done that I perceive to be stupid or petty or a waste of my precious time cannot be hidden. Though I can generally strike up a conversation with anybody about anything regardless of our familiarity with each other, sometimes I need quiet and don’t feel obligated to contribute to conversation just so there won’t be silence. The difference is now, that is okay.
I no longer find myself particularly preoccupied with appearing nice. (Or “good”, but that’s another story for another day.) I treat people well. I honor my strength and weaknesses. I reinforce my boundaries without being an asshole. I carve out a space to exist with people in situations that respect the dichotomy of my existence; I am warm and approachable and will cuss you out if you provoke me. And if that is not ok with you?


Cara said...

Perfect clip at the end. I am dying. I think I spent a lot of time in my youth trying not to be nice, ironically. Its amazing how much of a turn around I made. Its also interesting to see that someone took the time to accommodate others at such a young age. I was pretty, popular, had good friends and went out of my way to let people know I didn't need them or want them around me. I was such a teen-aged bitch, it wasn't even funny. Ironically, I think now, I am totally preoccupied with being the best person I can to others and when my inner, adolescent bitch emerges I have to sometimes apologize. I think that the bottom line here is that you are obviously a good person, who used to overly exert her goodness, perhaps to your detriment. In addition to you being more than allowed to live your life comfortably now, you definitely will have crazy good karma from all those nice teenage years.

Hua Cai said...

fitflops sale
michael kors outlet
burberry sunglasses
lacoste pas cher
jordan 11
louis vuitton handbags
ray ban sunglasses
mont blanc pens
michael kors handbags
canada goose coats
michael kors outlet
fitflop clearance
christian louboutin outlet
ray ban sunglasses sale
ugg outlet
ugg outlet online
yeezy boost
true religion jeans
adidas uk store
tory burch outlet
ralph lauren pas cher
louis vuitton outlet stores
adidas nmd
ugg boots
ed hardy clothing
michael kors outlet
cheap nfl jersey
the north face jacket
cheap uggs
dior outlet
polo ralph lauren
beats headphones
michael kors handbags
mcm outlet

Hua Cai said...

chaussure louboutin
cazal sunglasses
true religion jeans sale
burberry outlet
ugg uk,ugg outlet,ugg boots outlet
fitflops uk
coach outlet canada
coach outlet clearance
hermes birkin
toms outlet
michael kors online outlet
louis vuitton neverfull
michael kors uk outlet
michael kors outlet online
coach outlet store
tiffany and co
ugg boots
kobe bryant shoes
prada outlet online
hollister clothing
michael kors outlet clearance
true religion jeans
yeezy boost
uggs clearance
michael kors outlet
longchamp outlet
thomas sabo outlet
vans shoes
ray ban sunglasses
ralph lauren outlet
louis vuitton sunglasses for women
ugg outlet store
ray ban sunglasses
ferragamo shoes
ugg boots clearance
20160804caihuali said...

louis vuitton handbags
mont blanc pens cheap
louis vuitton outlet
ralph lauren uk
burberry outlet
true religion
michael kors uk
giuseppe zanotti sandals
jordan concords
adidas superstars
polo ralph lauren outlet
moncler jackets
ugg italia
canada goose
coach factory outlet
coach factory outlet online
mbt shoes
north face outlet
coach outlet
longchamp handbags
new york knicks jerseys
abercrombie outlet
oakley sunglasses
timberland outlet
burberry outlet
coach outlet store online
ugg boots
coach outlet online
christian louboutin outlet
chenyingying2016815 said...

ralph lauren
adidas shoes
oakley sunglasses
louis vuitton bags
burberry bags
jordan 8
moncler paris
coach factory outlet
ray ban sunglasses outlet
san antonio spurs jerseys
jordans for sale
uggs for women
red bottom shoes
louis vuitton handbags uk
uggs sale
christian louboutin shoes
nike basketball shoes
coach outlet
celine bags
louboutin shoes
coach outlet store online clearances
michael kors
ray ban sunglasses uk
coach outlet online
toms shoes outlet
coach factory outlet
michael kors outlet clearance
uggs on sale